Inspiring Quotes from the Alchemist

 

Once in a lifetime a book comes along that you just love. A book that you can’t stop talking about and one that you have to reread over and over again. A book that you have to tell everyone to read because it is that good. However, it’s not a book to be borrowed to friends because it’s that precious to you and you fear it will be lost. 

For me, and many others, 'The Alchemist' is that book. It is filled with so many amazing inspirational quotes and I am going to share my favourite of them with you.


“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist







“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“There is only one way to learn. It’s through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

 
 

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”
― Paulo Coelho The Alchemist

“There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have no meaning.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.”
― Paulo Coelho The Alchemist







“Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure”
– Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“That at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That´s the world’s greatest lie.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“I’m like everyone else – I see the world in terms of what I would like to see happen, not what actually does.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“Eat when it’s time to eat. And move along when it’s time to move along.”
― Paulo Coelho The Alchemist

“Why should I listen to my heart?” “Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”
― Paulo Coelho The Alchemist

“You must always know what it is that you want.”
― Paulo Coelho The Alchemist

“The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children.”
― Paulo Coelho The Alchemist





“Sometimes, it’s better to leave things as they are.”
― Paulo Coelho The Alchemist

I don't think i have met anyone who hasn't loved this book. Inccase you haven't read it, grab yourself a copy!

A beautiful week ahead.

Thanks for stopping by,
Lilian.

To my Bestfriend who moved away

''A strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation or being together. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends never part.'' ~ Unknown

 Lord knows how much i would give to have a meal with you. To hug you or even just sit in silence with you. There are days i just want to call you and talk. But i forget about your crazy schedule or call when you're asleep. I am learning to count hours backwards before i call. Sometimes, i forget. We get caught up in our lives and may end up not talking as much as the past week or month. But when we do talk, nothing has changed. We catch up for hours and laugh at the corniest and weirdest of things.

The Separate lives.

I keep reminding myself that we have separate lives every time i watch your snaps having all sorts of fun without me. I know you need to establish relationships there. I actually need you to, for days when you need that friend, who is actually there.. I am not worried of being replaced. But i always wish you were doing all those things with me.I have pretty good friends here as well. I can't wait for you to meet them! 

 The Inevitable Change.

I will probably get this job that demands everything in me. I will get home too tired. All i want is to take a shower and sleep. I will forget about our Tango date. I will call and find you driving. You will call back and find me asleep.

You will want to tell me about this new guy but i will keep ranting about something that happened that really got to me. You will let me be and even forget about your news but still tell me later! I know we’ll stay friends, even as we keep growing.

The Little things.

Oh the little things you do! I do not take for granted. How you follow up on that interview i had. Encourage me when all is going to shit. Motivate me to be a better person. Those little gifts you send mum when she's coming, beautiful words you write to me when I'm having a bad day.. I'm definitely keeping you in my life forever!

The Support System.  

For years, we've had each other's backs. You were there for me as my world crumbled, and you patiently put the pieces back into place. You've never let me push you away, no matter how many walls i build wanting to be alone. You've taken my angry words and returned them with proclamations of love. You understand me in a way that others don't.Wherever you are, i know i have you.

The love.

I love you, no matter how far away you are. I love you even when you read my texts and forget to reply. Even when we try to stay in touch and sometimes fail. Whether we talk once a month, or once in a fortnight, you're still my person! We are Family!

The Countdown.

I can not wait to squeeze the life out of you when you're finally back in town. To take a million pictures with you since we don't get that privilege much. I will ditch everyone else to catch up on the moments we've missed. You keep saying you'll be home before i know it. I don't doubt that. I just cant wait!

See you soon, Colette Wambui

2015 Musings

Oh, hello ☺

I know it's been forever you guys but lemme try explain. See, here's the thing. This blog has been my safe haven. Where I come to vent and unwind when am having a rough patch. Yeah? But this year, 2015 has been nothing of that. It's been the best year yet! I kid you not. 

If I were to tell you guys of how good this year has been good to me, how God has had my back and been nothing but faithful, I'd go on and on. I don't want to bore you with any of that especially if you don't share the same sentiments as I about the year. 

I'll just highlight a few memorable things. But before I do that, is it Christmas yet? I mean, why doesn't this holiday feeling go round all year? I am happy and grateful for quite a number of things. Quite frankly guys, I cannot wait for next year! I can't wait to see new opportunities come by and doors open! 

I graduated! 

This by far was the happiest day! And having accomplished this with my friends made it even better. You know, we went through all this things together while in school, it was just the perfect climax, celebrating that day together. I remember when we were taking photos one of my friend was elated, her lips were twitching from all the smiling.. 

Am gonna be an Aunty! 

Yes. One of the things that has me looking forward to next year is holding my niece but most of all, I can't wait to see my brother with her. Yes I know he's going to be a father and all, but seeing is believing. I can't wait to see her face, see who she takes after, watch her sleep.. Yes, I know - I should get my own! But until then, I'm gonna marvel at this one. 

I went Natural ☺

Thing is, when I cut my hair, I wasn't sure what to do with it yet. It's just an impulsive decision I made and cut it overnight because I didn't want to change my mind in the morning. But now, I look back and it's the best decision I made! I have learnt my hair, how to care for it, it's needs, I now understand my hair better and I have grown to love my hair. 

I have grown! 

I have learnt to let go of things that aren't worth it. I have learnt what being single and happy means. I have known who is there for me no matter how rough it gets. I have appreciated my family more and more, everything begins and ends with my brothers and parents! I have learnt to forgive. I have learnt to not worry about things I cannot control. I have learnt to compromise. I have learnt to take a day at a time and to enjoy the little things in life. 

I got to travel! 

It would be ridiculous to leave this out especially because my brother thinks that nowadays my sentences begin with "You know in Dar.." but yeah, that place is beautiful and peaceful. Guys there are very cultured, their food is impeccable and they sure do know how to throw a party! I could write paragraphs about my little stay there but I'll just put it in seven words - I had the time of my life. 

I hope you had an amazing year too!

Make merry this Holidays, don't drink and drive!

Happy Holidays

Settling for less

It’s easy to convince ourselves that we should keep our expectations and standards low to avoid getting hurt or let down. It’s easy to look in the mirror and see all our flaws and imperfections rather than all the beauty. It's easy to think that because we have wronged people in the past, we deserve to be wronged in return. It’s easy to make excuses for people that we care about. It’s easy to overlook things we shouldn’t because we want everything to work out as planned. It's easy to ignore red flags because we love someone. It’s easy to fail to see everything that’s wrong when we’ve invested so much of ourselves in making it work. It’s easy to make excuses and live with the disappointment rather than to leave.

When you care about a person, you see them in a way that is often inaccurate. Sometimes what and who we think a person is doesn't match up to who they are in reality. It’s easy to put on rose-colored glasses when we love someone. To overlook their flaws and imperfections. This is not necessarily wrong. No one is perfect, and in order to succeed in a relationship you have to be willing to love someone despite their faults. 

The difference is whether you are overlooking flaws or settling for less than you deserve. If you are failing to see that you are not being treated how you should. It’s okay to excuse the fact that someone never hangs up their towel or fails to put the glass in the sink after using it. It’s okay to excuse even bigger things.
Maybe they have some issues communicating their feelings but are trying to work on it. Maybe they have family issues they are trying to work through. As long as these things do not affect their treatment to you, it’s okay to overlook certain shortcomings. Especially when their faults are far outweighed by their good qualities. The difference is when the person isn’t treating you with the kindness and love you are giving them.

Everyone deserves a person who loves them unconditionally, even at their worst. A person who wants to see them smile and laugh. Who will listen to their complaints, their hopes, and their dreams. Who will laugh at even the corniest jokes. If you aren't being treated like you are amazing and worthy, something is wrong. Because you are beautiful and smart and remarkable. If you’re with someone who doesn’t see this in you, you are settling for less than you deserve. And you should stop.

I know it’s hard. Really damn hard. You make excuses and justifications. You blame yourself. You think if you could just change or try harder then maybe they will see how wonderful you are. Truth is, they won't. Don’t lose yourself trying to please someone else. Because there is someone out there that will not only accept you, but will love you for all that you are. Sure, you really like or love this person. You have a lot of fun with them and you care about them a lot. But if you are often left feeling let down or as if they don't care about you just as much, why settle for that?

More than likely, the reason you are not getting what you deserve isn’t your fault. It has nothing to do with you. That other person probably isn’t ready to give you what you need. Or maybe you just aren’t right for each other. That isn’t on you. That doesn’t mean you’re any less fun. Just because someone fails to see your value doesn't decrease your worth. Remember that. Tell yourself that over and over and then summon up the courage to walk away. It’s going to hurt like hell. You are going to feel damaged and depressed. There will be times you beat yourself up and blame yourself and your shortcomings, but try not to. Remind yourself that all you’re doing is choosing not to settle for less than you deserve.

You are gorgeous. You are smart. You are kind. You are generous. You are fun. You are witty. You are driven. You are creative. You are all sorts of wonderful things. Walk away from someone who doesn’t or can't appreciate these things. That way, when you come across someone who does, you’re not blind to it because you’re settling for less than you deserve.

Things you don't owe anyone

Here's something I came across the other day and decided to share. 

Enjoy, xx ☺

Many choices we make in life—ranging from what we do, to how we conduct ourselves, and who we interact with—are subject to prying questions and commentary from those around us. Family members, friends, and even total strangers, it often seems like everyone has an opinion on the things we do, no matter how small or insignificant those things might seem to us.

Sometimes people go so far as to ask you to explain yourself for the decisions or choices you make in your own life. You might feel obliged to respond, but some things are really no one else's business and you don’t owe anyone an explanation at all for the following 15 things—though you think you do.

1. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your living situation.

Whether you are cohabiting with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, crashing in different motel rooms across the country, or living with your parents for a while when you are past your twenties, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone for who you live with and why if you don’t want to. If you are fully aware of your living situation, then it means you have your own reasons for being in that situation that are nobody else’s business.

2. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life priorities.

You have your own ideas about the things that would make you and your loved ones truly comfortable and happy, which is your main priority. Since we are all unique individuals with different values, dreams and aspirations, your core priorities will be different from the next person’s. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what you determine is your core priority in life. That is your personal business not other people’s business.

3. You don’t owe anyone an apology if you are not sorry.

If you don’t regret your actions, still think someone is wrong about something or don’t care much for their forgiveness, you don’t have to apologize. Many people are too quick to offer apologies and try to mend wounds that are not yet ready to be mended, which only serves to aggravate the wound and bring more problems. You really don’t have to apologize if you are not sorry or your side of the story hasn’t been heard.

4. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for requiring alone time.

You might worry that you will come across as “rude,” “anti-social” or “aloof” when you cancel plans or other obligations because you need some time alone to reboot, unwind or just enjoy a good book by yourself. However, spending time alone is a completely normal, natural and necessary practice that more people should adopt. Take your alone time confidently because you don’t owe anybody an explanation for it.

5. You don’t owe anyone your agreement on their personal beliefs.

Just because someone shares their personal beliefs passionately doesn’t mean you have to sit there and nod in approval to everything they say. If you don’t share in their beliefs, it is unfair to yourself and to the other person to suppress your own thoughts and feelings and pretend you agree with them. It’s okay and better to disagree with them gracefully instead of bottling up your disapproval and frustrations.

6. You don’t owe anyone a yes to everything they say.

You have a right to say no whenever there is no compelling reason to say yes. In fact, the most successful people in the world are those who have mastered the art of saying no to everything that is not a priority. Acknowledge other people's kindness and be grateful for it, but don’t be afraid to politely decline anything that takes your focus away from your core goals and priorities. That's how to get ahead.

7. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your physical appearance.

You might be slender, plump, tall, short, pretty, plain or whatever, but you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone for why you look how you do. Your physical appearance is your own business and you are obligated only to yourself. Physical appearance shouldn’t determine your self-worth.

8. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your food preferences.

There are certain foods that you just don’t like at all for different reasons, including taste preference and health issues. You don’t have to explain to anyone at all why you prefer certain foods. Your food preference is a matter that is best left to you. If anyone pesters you about why you are eating (or not eating) certain foods, shrug it off and just say you feel better eating (or not eating) those foods.

9. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your sex life.

As long as it happens with another consenting adult, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for where, when and how you conduct your sex life. You can wait for marriage, try one-night stands or experiment with same sex encounters to your heart’s pleasure and still not have to explain your sexual preferences to anybody.

10. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your career or personal life choices.

Sometimes circumstances force us to choose between work and “having a life.” The decision is not always easy and you might end up choosing work, not because you don’t care about your family or social life, but because you are working on something that will give you security in the future. Either way, you don’t owe others an explanation for choosing a career over your personal life (or vice versa) as long as you are confident about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

11. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your religious or political views.

Whether you are a Democrat, Republican, Catholic, Protestant or Muslim, that is your own personal choice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you are what you are and believe what you believe. If someone can’t accept you for who you are, that is their personal dogma—not yours.

12. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for being single.

Whether you are single by design or by default that is nobody’s business. Being single is not a personality disorder. You are free to be in a relationship or not. Besides, you are far more than your relationship status and singlehood is just one of those social labels no one should really care about.

13. You don’t owe anyone a date just because they asked.

Someone might be nice, good looking and you may even be a little interested, but you don’t owe them a date just because they ask. If you feel deep down you don’t want to go on that date, then don’t. You may offer a reason for declining, but keep it brief and stick to your decision.

14. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decision about marriage.

Whether or not you choose to get married and have kids or stay unmarried and be childfree, that is your own personal decision. Even your mom who is dying for grandchildren should understand that marriage is a personal decision and not suited for everyone. She should respect your decision about it no matter how hard it is to swallow.

15. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your relationship choices.

Sometimes people make inappropriate commentary about your romantic relationship(s), which is really none of their business. You might overhear comments like you are not the “perfect couple” or you should find someone else. However, you are not answerable to anyone but yourself for your relationship choices. Live your life and never, ever leave or stay in a relationship just because someone else says you have to. Make your own mistakes if you must, but learn from them always.

✌✌✌

Snippets of my believes

I believe the sun shines after the rain

I believe if you don’t get hurt, you’ll never gain

I believe in not doing things the easy way

I believe being selfish doesn't pay

I believe in love

I believe revenge is not right

I believe that first impression lasts

And there is nothing better than a good laugh

I believe dreams do come true

I believe there is destiny for me and you

I believe good things come to those who wait

I believe love never arrives too late

I believe in second chances

I believe that faith is all you need

I believe that time is a companion

And the enemy uses those things you are insecure about

I believe something good comes from something bad

I believe that for tears of happiness, there are tears of sadness

I believe everyone has a guardian angel

And the good you do, will be rewarded well

I believe sometimes, there is no explanation

I believe money can’t buy peoples affection

I believe you don’t know what you have till it’s gone

And a new day arrives with every dawn

I believe a smile can be contagious

I believe in being very outrageous

I believe living with no regrets

I believe that life is as good as it gets

I believe that God watches over us

I believe the little things are worth the fuss

I believe you have each friend for a reason

I believe you get what you deserve

I believe family comes first

I believe we should live in harmony

I believe in making the most of a beautiful day

And it’s not the end till everything is okay

I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder

I believe you’ll loose if you sit and wonder

I believe every experience teaches us a lesson

And everything you go through is for a reason

Of good things ending too soon

I just got here. I just got accustomed to this beautiful people. I just got to know them. We were just getting comfortable. This blissful friendship just began. When all was turning out perfectly I'm meant to leave? Seriously, how unjust is life sometimes? My intern-ship ends on Friday and I am not ready to leave. It feels like I just got here. There was a requisition for extension but with classes, a project and work, I can’t handle. Mainly because working hours are strictly 7.30 to 5 but under different circumstances, I’d choose to stick around.

I take a lot of time to open up. I am very outgoing and social but when am in a new environment, I am awfully quiet and reserved. I study people before unleashing. Okay, that sounds a little dramatic but true story. My first month wasn't exactly fun. I enjoyed being swamped in work as hours would go by faster. I even skipped lunch because I hate eating alone and of course wouldn't join a couple of strangers at their table, I had no friends yet.

I met some comrades here which made the getting to know other people part smooth. I started saying hi to more guys on the corridor and in two months I had made a couple of friends. Colleagues from my office are very warm and welcoming. All of them; not a single one is unpleasant or mean. Am a little short so some people see me as fragile and feeble which is very annoying but an advantage sometimes. I’ll probably talk about that in a different post sometime.

Now back to my size, all of my colleagues are parents and every day, there’s always a story on what one of the kids did or didn't do. Now the story telling time is when my boss is not in. He’s not exactly vicious because I have seen worse but he gets easily angered and believe me, you don’t want him in a bad mood. Lest, he will spread the virus and everyone gets dull and gloomy. So amidst the laughter and stories, they ask for my opinion. Yes, they ask what I think they should do. They try to understand their kids which I find amazing. Though kids these days are a handful!!!

So now everyone keeps wondering how this is my last week yet orientation was just the other day. It’s funny how two weeks ago I was looking forward to Friday and now, I don’t want it to get here yet. Yes there have been days I got weary and I just wanted to quit. But in those days I got to laugh and interact with these people and as much as all I wanted to do was sleep when I got home, I gained a lot of things from their experiences and exposure.

Today, am sitting behind my desk taking my tea then my colleague walks over from behind and tells me to join her in the boardroom for a minute. As I walk behind her a lot of things are going through my mind. When I walk in, I find another colleague of mine with a couple of purses spread on the table. They look at me and am like, guys what’s going on? Am asked; if I were to pick, what purse I would pick. So all along I thought one of them can’t settle on a colour and that’s where my opinion comes in. I choose the prettiest of them all and it’s wrapped back and handed to me. One of them says “Lilian, this is a gift from us to you. For what you've been to us and how much you've inspired us. You have brought out the young side of us and we loved you being a part of us. We hope to see you even after Friday…’’ by now, am almost crying. I am so humbled and overwhelmed I don’t even know what to say. I embrace them as I try to find the words. Seriously, how cool and thoughtful is that? I mean, it’s not even about the gift, but the thought!

As I head back to my desk, am grateful and ecstatic. Then all these thoughts are in my head of how these women have influenced me and my life in this positive direction that I don’t know what I’d do to thank them. They have been such role models and the perfect examples of what kind of woman, mother and wife I want to be. Later, I thank them again and again and one of them says to me ‘’Good be-gets good.’’ I believe I am a good person but it’s not something I do with effort or in order to get something in return. I thrive in making people happy with very little things, things that cost me nothing.

These three months have been real. The experience, the laughter, the memories, the new friends, the chilly mornings, the lazy afternoons, the deadlines, the workload, the small talks in the wash-rooms, the discussions, the tea breaks, the sampling of tea bags, the muffins, the opinions, the meetings, the interviews…it has been amazing. Some of this people, the friendship continues.

In another life

My best friend says I have made this blog a pity party. Maybe because there have been so many rants and enough venting. But that’s the whole point, no? Having a safe place to let it all out? Enough with that… I have been getting by alright. I hope you have too :-)

So today, I’ll do something different. You know how sometimes in life you wish you were something different so you could influence things towards a certain direction? This post is about that. There’s this question that’s asked in almost all managerial interviews; if you were an animal, what would you be and why? Now since you've probably thought of that, I came up with these 10 random things in life that I would be if asked to choose. 

If I were a room in the house, I’d be the bathroom. For me, they are the perfect place to reflect. It’s the place we rush to when tired, annoyed, when feeling heavy and need a quick way to relax and just be calm. It’s the one place you would never leave the house without visiting. That morning when I have no idea of what to wear, I figure out an outfit while in the shower. A bathroom is a place where people can offload that extra baggage they have in them and leave feeling refreshed and ready to face the day.

If I were a time of day, I’d be evening. Whether you've had a good day or a bad day, we all look forward to the end of the day. When the sun sets, night falls and you get to be with family (or whoever you go home to) and unwind from all the pressure, deadlines and harsh realities from work or school. Evenings are the best time to go for a walk or a run especially for people like me, who don't like waking up early. My heart rests and I don't like worrying about the next day.

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Sunday. I love the calmness and easiness that come with this day. It’s the day I get to stay indoors with a good series or book and enjoy my own company. It’s the day I get to stay home in an over-sized tee and baggy pants. I rarely leave the house on a Sunday, unless it is important.

If I were a month, I’d be January. I love new beginnings; clean slates, opportunities to put the past behind and start all over again; to right the wrongs, make resolutions and eventually break them. I love the hope and determination that comes with beginning a new year.

If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a bed. It’s the one thing I look forward to most towards the end of the day especially if it was a long one. Even after a good day. It keeps me warm & is my zone of comfort. We have a bond. Share secrets. Our relationship is intimate and I never want to leave her in the mornings.

If I were a colour, I’d be Yellow. This happens to be my favourite colour. I find it optimistic and cheerful. It is the colour that has to be in my wedding and the living room of my home. It is warm and beautiful. It is the colour of the sun. It complements nature. Oh yellow!

If I were a body part, I’d be the eyes because there is so much beauty to see.

If I were a flower I’d be a rose. It teaches us to handle life. Enjoy the view, take in the pleasant aromas but handle with care.  Because of its thorns, it reminds me of the true reality of life; that it comes with the good and bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

If I were a place, I’d be a home. There is no place like home; the love, the peace, the serenity, the togetherness, the laughter, the food, the comfort, the freedom, the acceptance. It is the one place that I am always looking forward to going.

If I were a story, I’d be a story of faith; because my life has been about the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen.

HAPPY NEW MONTH darlings!

Of friends & fall outs

Why do people grow apart? Ever had a group of friends at a stage in life, like in school, or in your estate, with someone whom you were so close there was nothing you used to do without one another? And you thought it would be like that for the rest of your lives? But as you got older and people's paths started to diverge you realized it was really just the geography holding you together? That apparently, even the strongest of friendships don't survive silence? And everything else in your life became invariably more important that these friends, so that you only noticed they were no longer around on that odd Saturday morning when you'd woken up a little too early and had nothing to do but stare at the roof and reminisce about the good old times?

As it happens, I fear that may be happening to me in my circles. There are people I literally grew up with; I haven’t spoken to this year. It’s nothing personal really because if we were to bump into each other on the streets, we’d talk and talk about everything we've missed. But that need to look for each other is not there. I have been a little busy lately and I like spending my weekends at home, by myself. So when the girls call for a night out or whatever as long as it involves dressing up and leaving the house, I think twice. Unless it had been planned earlier and I just can’t bail, you know.

Thing is, I have seen a lot of nonsense over the years in friendships and I tend to push people away especially when am not okay. I have a good number of friends that I love, but haven’t talked to in a while. I haven’t seen my best friend in more than a year, (since she went to the states). But we talk enough. She’s my ride or die. Despite the distance, that woman has been there for me in un-imaginable ways. She knows what’s going on in my life every time and she does it so effortlessly, it moves me. The eight years of this friendship have been bumpy, but after every trial, it just keeps getting better.

When someone goes to your wall after five years and writes how it's been forever and how are you doing these days, what are you supposed to answer if that person wasn't just an acquaintance? I usually tell myself if they were really close they wouldn't have to ask that, and then I realize I don't know them that well any more and the whole stones and people living in glass houses thing kicks in, so I just say, "Good, it's been great.  Just school, you know... You?" and she says "Same here," and the countdown begins again for the next five-year interval when we'll check up on each other.

Nothing about the lost grandmother, nothing about the recent burglary that left you at square zero, nothing about the decision to go back to school, nothing about finding a new house and moving in, or the break up that obliterated you for a while, or the new baby... we never actually go into all these specifics.  All that stuff is just supposed to be covered by the single perfunctory line, "I'm good." Which, if you think about it, is true in a way, because I mean, we're alive and healthy, it could always get worse.

I recently met with some old friends. Looking back I could tell the level of association had changed. No one wanted to know serious things about the other. It was just all on the surface.  You want to show interest because it's been a while and you feel you're supposed to, but not enough that we'll actually talk about things that matter; or something that will require input from me, you know. The rest was all just making fun which used to be a thing we did but it seems to be what everyone does best these days. It's safe. And when it's all over we hug goodbye and go under again till the next time we'll run into each other on the streets, probably next year. And later you sit and you ask yourself what new things have I really learned about these people today and you find that you've got nothing. As it happens, you're no longer one another's rocks like you used to be. Everyone went ahead and they moved on. People go through stages and they grow and they change and the world still goes round, so you realize that maybe you should also do the same.

We seem to have gotten this growing apart thing down to such fine art we don't even have to talk about it or synchronize any more, it just happens. And it affects nothing else in our lives.

Happiness

You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than this.

I wrote this piece two years ago. How blind and naive can a person be? Really? Am not saying this because am angry or at some point hope things turned out differently. But seriously, do you see how disillusioned I was? You see why I said I needed this? Because now I know better. I see things from a different perspective. I know there's more to life than just love. 

Here's what I think, your happiness should not be dependant on your partner. Because happiness comes from within you. You do not need each other to be truly happy, complete or emotionally whole. Truth is, my heart aches from a lost love. I get sad and miserable when I think about it but I am happy. 

Sounds contradictory, I know but let me make you understand. First, I left the relationship for the right reasons. I know I deserve better and he wasn't committed or rather there was no assurance. I wanted it to dawn on him we were in trouble and a few changes needed to be made. The moment he said nothing and left, I knew I made the right decision. I believe if he wanted me, us to work. He would have fought with all he got because that's what you do for someone you love.

Second, I feel like there were too many things between us. There was always something keeping us apart. If its not the sport, then something is going on back at home or a friend did or said something. You feel me? There was a time it was just us. Whenever he had baggage, we would deal with it. Then he started pushing me away. Keeping things from me in the name of "i don't want you to worry about me". I was okay with this until the communication turned from daily random texts and calls to that mandatory text in the evening of how was your day to once in two days "Hey, how are you? " "Good, you?" "Good too" then silence, to goodnight. There was a time he didn't communicate in a week. I know I should have reached out but it felt like he had too much going on, I didn't want to suffocate him. All this time, he was all I could think about. I was worried for the relationship and I prayed for him more than I did for myself.

Third, I know when someone wants to be in your life, they make a deliberate effort to be in it. If you are unhappy and feel like you are doing all the work, something ain't right. Relationships are a two way traffic and everyone should put in work. I felt like I was getting less than I deserve so I left. Leaving was the hardest decision but I know it was the right one. Because if it was a wrong one, he would have fought for me, confronted me to make it right and done those little things that made me feel insecure and insignificant.

Despite all this, I am happy. Happy because I am in good health and my life is right. I am pleased with myself so far and where am heading. I have few incredible friends and my family to help get by. Besides, I know there are a few people out there who would give the world for my happiness. This weekend was the best I had in a while. Nothing special, my brothers were home and I was happy. I laughed my heart out. My mother told me am still very young to lose myself over love. I know she's right but it will take me sometime. But then again, he who loses faith loses everything. So, if it is meant to be, it will be. If not, it is well.