Perpetual gratitude

Every not so often, I sit back and reflect on things that matter. Like myself and occasionally, other people who have made an impact in my life and about my God. Today was one of those days. It got me appreciating a great deal of things that God has brought my way. There are a few things I have asked for that haven't come through but I am at a happy place with what I have. So here are a few thoughts and things that i have unending gratitude towards.

1. My family

Being the only girl in an all boy family (not that they can make a football team) comes with various boons. They know all the good food in all the good places. They have cute friends that you can stare at when you are feeling blue. They always come through for you whenever you need them. They are just a call away when you need to laugh and vent, or just talk. It is the forever kind of love. My brothers are my people. 

Let me tell you a little something about my Father. First, he is the best dad I could ever have. He’s the epitome of cool, calm and collected, very easy going and never fussy about stuff. Second, he speaks his mind and doesn't sugar coat anything he says, which now makes him the most genuine person I know.

My mother, (God bless her beautiful soul) is the most loving & caring person I know. Maybe its the nature of all mothers but this woman is the best thing that has happened to me.

My parents are very open minded. They have grown with us in all ways especially our thinking and changes in today's culture. This makes them very accommodating and easy to talk to. Their age and experience assures me they are always right. 

2. My friends

You know how tricky this friendship business is since not everyone has your best interest at heart. But then again, try having no friends and you will appreciate the value of the dysfunctional relationships you have. 

There are people out there who know the color of my tears, have seen me drool in my sleep, probably heard me fart, continued to love me when my hair was a hot mess (like now), listen to me whimper and laughed at my very dry jokes.

Then there are those who make fun of me, know my weaknesses and tag at them until they become strengths, get my foolishness and appreciate my blondness. I may not talk to them everyday, but when I do, its the best day. 

3. My God 

Give credit where it's due and the Lord is really where all credit in my life is due. I have stopped worrying about things too much. He taught me that. I sometimes get worried I'll miss the bus to work in the morning, then I whisper a small, hurried but very scared prayer and he comes through. Or I think my cash won't make it through the month (because I buy almost everything and anything), then something out of my good deeds pays back (good begets good people!). 

There are those days that things just fall into place and I know It was him. There are those that I totally give up but my faith keeps hoping and believing.

There are a lot of big prayers I have said too over the years, that have been answered gradually.

Then I started thanking him for the answered prayers and for the smaller things that I may have taken for granted. It's amazing how great he is. This little things  give me enough happiness and so much gratitude.

4. Myself

It has been quite a journey of self growth and lessons but I appreciate who I have become, how far I have come. You know when people say "You are stronger than you think"? It helps to believe them. I did not know how much I was capable of doing, of taking, of feeling. 

It has taken me a journey to get to where I am, and I am glad I held on...although barely. 

I am glad I can look back and appreciate myself for who I am. I don't ask too much of myself any more. I appreciate my limits and I also know when to challenge them. I sleep when I need to, I shut up when I'm required to. I am proud of who I am and I know good things await me.

The year so far

The other day, my brother asked me "Njesh, this has been your best holiday right?" 

Truth is, it has been a great couple of months where everything has been great. I wouldn't exactly call it a holiday but brother, it has been fine! 

I got internship at this organization and after the first day I had already told my dad that I wouldn't dream of working there because the rules were too many and being in the HR department makes it even harder not to abide by not forgetting the supervisor who made the whole thing look like a nightmare. 

After two weeks I was home. This people took me and made me one of their own. I got comfortable working here and they never made me feel like I do not belong. Ave even been wondering what happens after the three months. Of course there is this lady that I have grown to love so we'll definitely keep in touch but really? That's it? They all going to be people I used to know? But who knows, they may be really useful when I venture into the job market.

Working here has been a real first hand experience. I have had the privilege to attend meetings with big people and address key issues facing employees and the organization, I have done long listing and shortlisting of new hires, I have been present in interviews and have learnt a whole lot on interviews that should be a great help for me when I get there. The work load is humongous as there is always something to do but now more than ever I am convinced that HR is my line.

I have made new friends, I was surprised too at how fast I can blend in a new environment. I have been interacting with the older folks mainly and they have shared their wisdom with me. There is this lady who looks so young, like in her late twenties but she is actually in her early forties with two kids. It has been a give and take relationship as we talk a lot and share our life experiences together. She is a very warm person and I tell her that when I grow up I'd like to follow in her steps. She seems to have it all figured out you know.. In terms of career, family, faith, fashion.. She says she sees herself in me twenty years ago. Probably why we get along so well :-D

The best part is I don't use the allowance I get as the company bus picks and drops me off and my dad gives me lunch money :-) cool right?

Yes, am saving up for days when I'll actually need the money like next year; after school. I have heard enough tales of how life after school is different and dry so am working really hard not to share the cliche too. 

Of course things haven't been exactly perfect. There have been a few rocks on my path especially because I am an emotional junkie but I prefer to look at the positive side of things and what life has to offer. Besides, I know that God is always looking out for me. Things may not exactly go as we plan but I believe God's way is best and whatever we go through, it is meant to make us better in the long run. There are days that I get really weary but going home to my parents and brothers (sometimes) makes it worthwhile.

2013 in review

Well, this has not been a very great year for me. I think last year was better but hey… at least I could say am getting tougher. Life can be pretty much unfair sometimes so I have learnt to get by, regardless the situation. This has been the year that I have done a couple of things on my own. You know when things come and as much as people say they are there you are still by yourself? This has been that year for me.

In terms of education, this has been an incredibly good year for me. My grades have been great which gives me this satisfying feeling. Even when everything else may seem impossible and I still get to put it aside and concentrate with school, that is good enough for me. One thing I know is of all things I can mess up, this is not one of them.

 My love life has been pretty bumpy. This has been the year we've had the best moments together and the sulkiest ones. Most of all, this is the year we have made the best memories together and I have grown deeper in love which I do not know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. We clocked a year on September 15 and as much as it is a lot of work sometimes, it sure is worth. I hope just like wine, it will get better with time.

This has been the year I have established friendships. You know how you can have so many friends who come with seasons? I have identified the ones who are here to stay regardless of the weather. I made up with my best friend and I have added two or three amazing friends in my life. I have had a few fallouts with old friends...if they don’t add value in your life, why keep them?

 My favourite person graduated this year. After 5 years of school, he finally finished. God has been good to him and things are just getting better. I pray next year will be full of opportunities for him to grow. My relationship with mum has been great this year. We have become really close and basically talk about everything and anything. Dad has been incredibly supportive. He took me to this dermatologist that made my face a lot better than I can ever imagine. Of all things I can complain of, not my family. It is the best gift that God has given me.

 This is the year I have been more outgoing and adventurous. I have attended a couple of events with friends that were filled with joy and laughter. I have gone to places I have never been and I plan to keep this up since the experiences were extra ordinary. There was excess of retail therapy this year. I shopped a lot, to some extent excessively, especially when I had things going on and needed to get my mind away. I sincerely hope next year will be calmer and better in every way.

 I have been very emotional this year. I have cried a lot…in funerals and situations I have been in. It has been a very rough year for self-growth. It’s where I have learnt not to rely much on people or expect much from them for less disappointment. I have learnt to survive on my own without much dependency and the greatest things I have learnt this year is that God never disappoints. He has had my back when no one else had and I couldn't be more grateful.

My ideal man

1. He has to be a good cook. Not that am a lousy cook…I am great in the kitchen (so ave been told)  but I need a man who helps me out once in a while. Someone who will make me food as I keep him company in the kitchen. I hate it when a man is on the sofa, getting comfortable while am working my ass off to make him a meal.

2.He has to be a geek. I just found out am attracted to geeks, yes those nerdy men who wear spectacles, that everyone loves to peek on. (A good number of my friends think am such a blonde) I hate reading school books and sci-fi movies scare me to death. A geek is the exact opposite that would mean we have a lot more to talk about.

3.He should not talk a lot. I talk too much, so i need a man who will listen to me when i talk. I mean how would we cope if we both talked a lot? 

4. He has to hate soccer. I hate fighting with my brothers as they watch some grown men chasing after a round piece of leather. I don’t want to sacrifice good TV shows any more for football.

5. He has to be able to take care of me. By this i mean he has to be financially endowed, he doesn't have to be on the Forbes list but he also should not make taking me to java for a mug of Dawa (hot lemon and honey) such a big deal. Am a woman and where i come from its the men who pay the bills and the women use their salaries to do their hair, nails and to fuel their expensive shopping baskets. Though I wouldn't mind chipping in once in a while.

6. He has to be well read. By this I just don’t mean a man who went to school . I mean a man who is up to date with the happenings of this world. Am behind on some of this things so i need a man who can inform me as i caress his ego. A man when the president invites us for dinner he wont keep quiet the whole time.

7. A man with taste for the fine things in life. By this i mean a man who is not stingy. A man who does not think that money was meant to stay in the bank. A man with the taste for fine things in life is a man who is not afraid to spend his money on his woman or himself. A man who appreciates good scents , fine dinning but at the same time is able to make investments for the future.

8. A well groomed man.By well groomed i don’t mean having a manicure and a pedicure every week, i just mean that I don’t want a man whose socks smell worse than the garbage truck. I need a man who is able to take care of himself, who has a sense of style and who knows when its time to visit the barber. A man who when i walk around town town with him i don’t have to walk at least three steps ahead so that it doesn't look like we are together, i need a man who i can gladly hold his hand without wanting the ground to swallow me.

9. A gentle man. By this i mean a man who will let me enter the matatu before him, or he will push those annoying women with huge handbags away so that i can enter. A man who will open doors for me, a man who will make me feel like the most special woman in the world, a man who will make me smile when i think of him . A man who will understand that in a relationship it just not about him, its about us.

10. Finally i need a man who has his act together, by this i mean confidence and a man whose insecurities are relevant not trashy. A man who will accept he has a woman like me ( am pretty, but do i say ) in his life and will not yell at every man who takes a glance at me or blame me when they look at me.

But then again, Perfect men don’t exist. Appreciate what you have and turn it into what you want.