Settling for less

It’s easy to convince ourselves that we should keep our expectations and standards low to avoid getting hurt or let down. It’s easy to look in the mirror and see all our flaws and imperfections rather than all the beauty. It's easy to think that because we have wronged people in the past, we deserve to be wronged in return. It’s easy to make excuses for people that we care about. It’s easy to overlook things we shouldn’t because we want everything to work out as planned. It's easy to ignore red flags because we love someone. It’s easy to fail to see everything that’s wrong when we’ve invested so much of ourselves in making it work. It’s easy to make excuses and live with the disappointment rather than to leave.

When you care about a person, you see them in a way that is often inaccurate. Sometimes what and who we think a person is doesn't match up to who they are in reality. It’s easy to put on rose-colored glasses when we love someone. To overlook their flaws and imperfections. This is not necessarily wrong. No one is perfect, and in order to succeed in a relationship you have to be willing to love someone despite their faults. 

The difference is whether you are overlooking flaws or settling for less than you deserve. If you are failing to see that you are not being treated how you should. It’s okay to excuse the fact that someone never hangs up their towel or fails to put the glass in the sink after using it. It’s okay to excuse even bigger things.
Maybe they have some issues communicating their feelings but are trying to work on it. Maybe they have family issues they are trying to work through. As long as these things do not affect their treatment to you, it’s okay to overlook certain shortcomings. Especially when their faults are far outweighed by their good qualities. The difference is when the person isn’t treating you with the kindness and love you are giving them.

Everyone deserves a person who loves them unconditionally, even at their worst. A person who wants to see them smile and laugh. Who will listen to their complaints, their hopes, and their dreams. Who will laugh at even the corniest jokes. If you aren't being treated like you are amazing and worthy, something is wrong. Because you are beautiful and smart and remarkable. If you’re with someone who doesn’t see this in you, you are settling for less than you deserve. And you should stop.

I know it’s hard. Really damn hard. You make excuses and justifications. You blame yourself. You think if you could just change or try harder then maybe they will see how wonderful you are. Truth is, they won't. Don’t lose yourself trying to please someone else. Because there is someone out there that will not only accept you, but will love you for all that you are. Sure, you really like or love this person. You have a lot of fun with them and you care about them a lot. But if you are often left feeling let down or as if they don't care about you just as much, why settle for that?

More than likely, the reason you are not getting what you deserve isn’t your fault. It has nothing to do with you. That other person probably isn’t ready to give you what you need. Or maybe you just aren’t right for each other. That isn’t on you. That doesn’t mean you’re any less fun. Just because someone fails to see your value doesn't decrease your worth. Remember that. Tell yourself that over and over and then summon up the courage to walk away. It’s going to hurt like hell. You are going to feel damaged and depressed. There will be times you beat yourself up and blame yourself and your shortcomings, but try not to. Remind yourself that all you’re doing is choosing not to settle for less than you deserve.

You are gorgeous. You are smart. You are kind. You are generous. You are fun. You are witty. You are driven. You are creative. You are all sorts of wonderful things. Walk away from someone who doesn’t or can't appreciate these things. That way, when you come across someone who does, you’re not blind to it because you’re settling for less than you deserve.

Things you don't owe anyone

Here's something I came across the other day and decided to share. 

Enjoy, xx ☺

Many choices we make in life—ranging from what we do, to how we conduct ourselves, and who we interact with—are subject to prying questions and commentary from those around us. Family members, friends, and even total strangers, it often seems like everyone has an opinion on the things we do, no matter how small or insignificant those things might seem to us.

Sometimes people go so far as to ask you to explain yourself for the decisions or choices you make in your own life. You might feel obliged to respond, but some things are really no one else's business and you don’t owe anyone an explanation at all for the following 15 things—though you think you do.

1. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your living situation.

Whether you are cohabiting with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, crashing in different motel rooms across the country, or living with your parents for a while when you are past your twenties, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone for who you live with and why if you don’t want to. If you are fully aware of your living situation, then it means you have your own reasons for being in that situation that are nobody else’s business.

2. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life priorities.

You have your own ideas about the things that would make you and your loved ones truly comfortable and happy, which is your main priority. Since we are all unique individuals with different values, dreams and aspirations, your core priorities will be different from the next person’s. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what you determine is your core priority in life. That is your personal business not other people’s business.

3. You don’t owe anyone an apology if you are not sorry.

If you don’t regret your actions, still think someone is wrong about something or don’t care much for their forgiveness, you don’t have to apologize. Many people are too quick to offer apologies and try to mend wounds that are not yet ready to be mended, which only serves to aggravate the wound and bring more problems. You really don’t have to apologize if you are not sorry or your side of the story hasn’t been heard.

4. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for requiring alone time.

You might worry that you will come across as “rude,” “anti-social” or “aloof” when you cancel plans or other obligations because you need some time alone to reboot, unwind or just enjoy a good book by yourself. However, spending time alone is a completely normal, natural and necessary practice that more people should adopt. Take your alone time confidently because you don’t owe anybody an explanation for it.

5. You don’t owe anyone your agreement on their personal beliefs.

Just because someone shares their personal beliefs passionately doesn’t mean you have to sit there and nod in approval to everything they say. If you don’t share in their beliefs, it is unfair to yourself and to the other person to suppress your own thoughts and feelings and pretend you agree with them. It’s okay and better to disagree with them gracefully instead of bottling up your disapproval and frustrations.

6. You don’t owe anyone a yes to everything they say.

You have a right to say no whenever there is no compelling reason to say yes. In fact, the most successful people in the world are those who have mastered the art of saying no to everything that is not a priority. Acknowledge other people's kindness and be grateful for it, but don’t be afraid to politely decline anything that takes your focus away from your core goals and priorities. That's how to get ahead.

7. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your physical appearance.

You might be slender, plump, tall, short, pretty, plain or whatever, but you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone for why you look how you do. Your physical appearance is your own business and you are obligated only to yourself. Physical appearance shouldn’t determine your self-worth.

8. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your food preferences.

There are certain foods that you just don’t like at all for different reasons, including taste preference and health issues. You don’t have to explain to anyone at all why you prefer certain foods. Your food preference is a matter that is best left to you. If anyone pesters you about why you are eating (or not eating) certain foods, shrug it off and just say you feel better eating (or not eating) those foods.

9. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your sex life.

As long as it happens with another consenting adult, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for where, when and how you conduct your sex life. You can wait for marriage, try one-night stands or experiment with same sex encounters to your heart’s pleasure and still not have to explain your sexual preferences to anybody.

10. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your career or personal life choices.

Sometimes circumstances force us to choose between work and “having a life.” The decision is not always easy and you might end up choosing work, not because you don’t care about your family or social life, but because you are working on something that will give you security in the future. Either way, you don’t owe others an explanation for choosing a career over your personal life (or vice versa) as long as you are confident about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

11. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your religious or political views.

Whether you are a Democrat, Republican, Catholic, Protestant or Muslim, that is your own personal choice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you are what you are and believe what you believe. If someone can’t accept you for who you are, that is their personal dogma—not yours.

12. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for being single.

Whether you are single by design or by default that is nobody’s business. Being single is not a personality disorder. You are free to be in a relationship or not. Besides, you are far more than your relationship status and singlehood is just one of those social labels no one should really care about.

13. You don’t owe anyone a date just because they asked.

Someone might be nice, good looking and you may even be a little interested, but you don’t owe them a date just because they ask. If you feel deep down you don’t want to go on that date, then don’t. You may offer a reason for declining, but keep it brief and stick to your decision.

14. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decision about marriage.

Whether or not you choose to get married and have kids or stay unmarried and be childfree, that is your own personal decision. Even your mom who is dying for grandchildren should understand that marriage is a personal decision and not suited for everyone. She should respect your decision about it no matter how hard it is to swallow.

15. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your relationship choices.

Sometimes people make inappropriate commentary about your romantic relationship(s), which is really none of their business. You might overhear comments like you are not the “perfect couple” or you should find someone else. However, you are not answerable to anyone but yourself for your relationship choices. Live your life and never, ever leave or stay in a relationship just because someone else says you have to. Make your own mistakes if you must, but learn from them always.

✌✌✌

Snippets of my believes

I believe the sun shines after the rain

I believe if you don’t get hurt, you’ll never gain

I believe in not doing things the easy way

I believe being selfish doesn't pay

I believe in love

I believe revenge is not right

I believe that first impression lasts

And there is nothing better than a good laugh

I believe dreams do come true

I believe there is destiny for me and you

I believe good things come to those who wait

I believe love never arrives too late

I believe in second chances

I believe that faith is all you need

I believe that time is a companion

And the enemy uses those things you are insecure about

I believe something good comes from something bad

I believe that for tears of happiness, there are tears of sadness

I believe everyone has a guardian angel

And the good you do, will be rewarded well

I believe sometimes, there is no explanation

I believe money can’t buy peoples affection

I believe you don’t know what you have till it’s gone

And a new day arrives with every dawn

I believe a smile can be contagious

I believe in being very outrageous

I believe living with no regrets

I believe that life is as good as it gets

I believe that God watches over us

I believe the little things are worth the fuss

I believe you have each friend for a reason

I believe you get what you deserve

I believe family comes first

I believe we should live in harmony

I believe in making the most of a beautiful day

And it’s not the end till everything is okay

I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder

I believe you’ll loose if you sit and wonder

I believe every experience teaches us a lesson

And everything you go through is for a reason

Of good things ending too soon

I just got here. I just got accustomed to this beautiful people. I just got to know them. We were just getting comfortable. This blissful friendship just began. When all was turning out perfectly I'm meant to leave? Seriously, how unjust is life sometimes? My intern-ship ends on Friday and I am not ready to leave. It feels like I just got here. There was a requisition for extension but with classes, a project and work, I can’t handle. Mainly because working hours are strictly 7.30 to 5 but under different circumstances, I’d choose to stick around.

I take a lot of time to open up. I am very outgoing and social but when am in a new environment, I am awfully quiet and reserved. I study people before unleashing. Okay, that sounds a little dramatic but true story. My first month wasn't exactly fun. I enjoyed being swamped in work as hours would go by faster. I even skipped lunch because I hate eating alone and of course wouldn't join a couple of strangers at their table, I had no friends yet.

I met some comrades here which made the getting to know other people part smooth. I started saying hi to more guys on the corridor and in two months I had made a couple of friends. Colleagues from my office are very warm and welcoming. All of them; not a single one is unpleasant or mean. Am a little short so some people see me as fragile and feeble which is very annoying but an advantage sometimes. I’ll probably talk about that in a different post sometime.

Now back to my size, all of my colleagues are parents and every day, there’s always a story on what one of the kids did or didn't do. Now the story telling time is when my boss is not in. He’s not exactly vicious because I have seen worse but he gets easily angered and believe me, you don’t want him in a bad mood. Lest, he will spread the virus and everyone gets dull and gloomy. So amidst the laughter and stories, they ask for my opinion. Yes, they ask what I think they should do. They try to understand their kids which I find amazing. Though kids these days are a handful!!!

So now everyone keeps wondering how this is my last week yet orientation was just the other day. It’s funny how two weeks ago I was looking forward to Friday and now, I don’t want it to get here yet. Yes there have been days I got weary and I just wanted to quit. But in those days I got to laugh and interact with these people and as much as all I wanted to do was sleep when I got home, I gained a lot of things from their experiences and exposure.

Today, am sitting behind my desk taking my tea then my colleague walks over from behind and tells me to join her in the boardroom for a minute. As I walk behind her a lot of things are going through my mind. When I walk in, I find another colleague of mine with a couple of purses spread on the table. They look at me and am like, guys what’s going on? Am asked; if I were to pick, what purse I would pick. So all along I thought one of them can’t settle on a colour and that’s where my opinion comes in. I choose the prettiest of them all and it’s wrapped back and handed to me. One of them says “Lilian, this is a gift from us to you. For what you've been to us and how much you've inspired us. You have brought out the young side of us and we loved you being a part of us. We hope to see you even after Friday…’’ by now, am almost crying. I am so humbled and overwhelmed I don’t even know what to say. I embrace them as I try to find the words. Seriously, how cool and thoughtful is that? I mean, it’s not even about the gift, but the thought!

As I head back to my desk, am grateful and ecstatic. Then all these thoughts are in my head of how these women have influenced me and my life in this positive direction that I don’t know what I’d do to thank them. They have been such role models and the perfect examples of what kind of woman, mother and wife I want to be. Later, I thank them again and again and one of them says to me ‘’Good be-gets good.’’ I believe I am a good person but it’s not something I do with effort or in order to get something in return. I thrive in making people happy with very little things, things that cost me nothing.

These three months have been real. The experience, the laughter, the memories, the new friends, the chilly mornings, the lazy afternoons, the deadlines, the workload, the small talks in the wash-rooms, the discussions, the tea breaks, the sampling of tea bags, the muffins, the opinions, the meetings, the interviews…it has been amazing. Some of this people, the friendship continues.