Sunday, 28 July 2013

The bitter truth

I am at the point in my life where things are neither good nor bad. Although it can be better, it can also be worse. So I can’t look at anything with a purely pessimistic or optimistic point of view. It’s that point in life where you just have to keep your head up high, forge forward and only hope for the best. You keep your fingers crossed hoping that someday you’ll catch that happiness you tried so hard to hold in your grasp. That’s the thing about happiness, it’s fleeting. Like that firefly you try to capture and no matter how many times you waver, trying to clasp it in your hands, it never wants to be kept.

Things are sweeter when they are lost. I know because i wanted something so bad, it was the only thing that i ever wanted and as soon as i got turned to dust in my hands. Am sure we've all been there. Where we've lost something that meant so much and didn't know where to start, how to go about it: whether to hold onto or let go. Truth is, there's only too much one can take. There comes a point where no matter how much you love someone, you just have to let go.

Am still of the opinion that if you truly love someone, you should stay and work things out no matter what. Lets say you choose to leave, time passes by and you actually meet someone... no relationship is perfect. You will fight and have weird and stupid arguments. Some will be pretty serious that you'll want out. So whats the point of leaving yet you're not really solving anything? I mean, the same problems you're having in your present relationship maybe still be the ones you'll have in your next. Men aren't that different from each other. Even really good men are selfish in their own twisted ways. The better part of my life, i have lived with men so take my word for it: same monkey, different forest. Still, you can work things out yes...but whats the point of staying if you're always fighting about the same thing over and over? Fight everyday if you have to but over different things. It gets exhausting...and you start thinking if this is where you should really be.

If you cant let go (for the right reasons of course) keep him as a friend. Move on with your life, accept things as they come. Its true, everything happens for a reason. Maybe he's still the one its just not the right time or maybe letting go is the best decision you'll ever make, you just never know until you take a step. I firmly believe that if something is meant to be, it will...regardless. Life is beautiful, remember the memories but keep going. I have learnt that its okay not to get what you always want in life and if you expect the world to be fair to you because you have been fair to it, you are fooling yourself. It is like expecting a lion not to eat you because you didn't eat it.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Story of my Heart

This is the first and last time I'll probably write this uh...whatever. Am writing this as a way of venting or letting go. Anyway, I met a guy. Yeah...I know, a little cliche right? Probably..but hey, everyone has a story. Here goes mine;

He was my guy. The guy who i was comfortable with in my own skin. He wasn't perfect, no. He'd do things that made me feel like pushing him down the stairs but i was in love. If you've been there, you'd understand what am talking about.

So this guy, i knew he was the one. I have been in relationships before but i knew this was it. We were together for 11months and then things got complicated. I honestly do not know what really happened but it turns out we weren't in the same page on things anymore. It got to a point, am not sure we were even in the same book.

Am sure you've had that line before right? Yes, things got complicated. So much was on the way...friends, pride, rumors, compromise...sighs. Well, they say if its true love, things will somehow workout but in my story things turned out differently.

See, boyfriend wasn't the kind to face things. If something happened and i don't bring it on the table, we would never talk about it. Unless, it was something i did that's been bothering him and he just can't overlook. I on the other hand, am confrontational. So every time he tripped or did something i didn't like, we'd have to talk about it. For those who know me well, they know i get a little rude and sarcastic if pushed to the wall. Apparently, boyfriend didn't like that so you can imagine. There was even a time he wanted out because he thought he wasn't good enough and he couldn't make me happy.

Somehow, we worked things out. I wasn't willing to let our fall out be on me so i started embracing things. Things like men forget. Even when you are a priority in their life, they will forget to bring something you sent, plans you made for the weekend and dates. They will forget your anniversary, your brother's graduation, when you first did something together...bottom line, men forget.

Other than that, i started overlooking the little things he'd do. We were both a little too comfortable with each other so he'd say or do things he does with his guys which would get to me. Things like making fun of how short i am (yes...if you're short, you probably understand how annoying it is.) 

We were fine, really fine. We had been through so much i thought we'd conquer anything together. He had met family, friends and everyone knew he was a part of my life. If i were to list the things we've gone through you'd probably say we deserve to be happy together, but no. 

Boyfriend tripped and i flipped. I was so mad that i didn't want to see his face. I didn't speak to him for a week but after analyzing and over thinking things through, i forgave him. I mean no one is perfect and this guy, he is the love of my life. I don't know if things went back to normal, but we were okay for a moment.

Then one morning, he made a statement. A statement that made me think, actually over think (I do that a lot anyway.) He says that it came out wrong but thing is, it bothered me. I believe after being together for such a time, you are supposed to know things that you should do and shouldn't do in a relationship. Don't say something stupid and then be like "babe, am sorry it came out wrong" No, you do not get to do that! So i overreacted. I gave him back the keys to his place and told him to let me go. Thing is, he wasn't supposed to let go. But he am just there.